I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
this is an emotional support booty call
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
