no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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