Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
