i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
