Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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