You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
