Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it's like iHOP with fire
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
organizing the empties. That sober.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
