i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
