R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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