Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
