I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
