Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This house was built for laser tag.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
