And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
