So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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