Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
