What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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