when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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