I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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