Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
