By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
