you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize