Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
