He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
