Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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