I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
