I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
