remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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