For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize