Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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