2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
