it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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