It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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