you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need a beard to bite.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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