I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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