well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
