We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
