remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
