is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
