Someone shit on the floor
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
