Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
