According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
