i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
