The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
