Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
