His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
