They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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