he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
