Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
