Ambien. No doubt about it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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