He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You dont lie about slip and slides
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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