it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
