I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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