Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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