im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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