nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
