Can i not drive my cunt home
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
