hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
