he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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