There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
