first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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