Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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