just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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