he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize