I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
