Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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