I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
